


Green isn't a Creative Color

by page_of_hope



Series: Pumpkin Eater [2]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: Attempted Murder, Beating, Depression, Multi, Sadstuck, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-10-30
Updated: 2013-11-13
Packaged: 2017-12-30 22:07:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,669
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1023941
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/page_of_hope/pseuds/page_of_hope
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After Jake attempts suicide and is brutally beaten by Brobot, he finds himself in the hospital.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Red

**Author's Note:**

> Please note the trigger warnings.

You stand on the edge of your home looking down at the green wilderness you've known your whole life. The birds were singing loud and proud today, the tinker bulls flying high over head.  Nothing in this world could ever be as beautiful as your home. 

 

You put on your green skulltop and pull up a chat log with your best friend. You had no idea how he was going to take the news, but hopefully he wouldn't come here and foil your plans. That was the last thing you wanted. 

 

GT: Strider theres something i need to tell you.

GT: Im not quite sure how youll take it.

TT: Dirk's busy.

GT: *sighs* Of course he is. Whenever I need him hes always off doing something important.

TT: What was it you needed him for?

GT: To say goodbye.

 

You take off your helmet and throw it down to the ground. You wouldn't be needing it anymore, and you thought the pieces of helmet would be a nice touch to your finale.

 

You take a few deep breaths, feeling the salty wetness of tears start to stroll down your sun kissed cheeks. Youve had enough of them. Every night, just before bed, they would come, and here they are again. Crying was your least favourite activity because you thought it was a sign of weakness and you don't want to be weak. All your life you wanted to be something, you wanted to be strong and adventurous and great.

 

A clank of concrete against metal  startled you. You turn, but not fast enough to catch Brobots iron fist. It collideswith your cheek, and you fall sideways, losing your balance and fall towards the helmet yoi had thrown moments ago. This isn't  how its supposed to go. It was supposed to be peaceful and beautifully red. Instead, Brobot was going to beat you to pieces. You suppose it would have to do.  It would be an excuse as to why you were bloody in case you survived through this.

 

The helmet struck your back as you land on the softness of the grass.  Brobot lands on top of you with a thud, adding to the pain of the landing, also shattering the helmeny beneath you. The pieces stuck in your back, making you groan. He weighed a ton, and the weight was bone crushing. He starts beating you, throwing punches with precision. Your glasses were broken now and fell from your face. You lay there and take the treatment. It was what you deserved.  

 

You start to feel dizzy, most likely from all of the blood loss and the amount of pain that's shooting through your nerves. Just as you're about to black out, you feel the weight on top of you disappear. You're confused now and try to see where Brobot went. You squint at the blurry figure and just let your eyes close. You can't see without your glasses anyway. As soon as your eyes shut you drift into a blackness.

 

You wake up in a white room full of other white things and a bunch of weird blurs. Everything hurt, especially your back, and you can't seem to figure out why. You feel something slide onto your face and everything becomes suddenly clear. "Hey Jake." You turn your head to find your best friend sitting in a chair beside you, his cheeks glistening under the dim lights as if he had been crying. "D-Dirk?" The sound coming from you doesn't sound like you. It's much more coarse and dehydrated. 

 

"How're you feeling?" 

 

"I hurt a lot...Dirk what's going on? Where am I?" He paused, pursing his lips together thoughtfully before replying, "We're in a hospital. You were really beat up English, nearly dead. Do you remember what happened?" You did remember, and the thought of it started to make you tear up. "I-I-" You choke on a sob, bowing your head so Dirk wouldn't have to see you cry. You feel strong arms wrap around you gently, a pair of lips kissing your head. 

 

"Promise me you'll never try again."

 

"I'm sorry Dirk I just-" You don't care if he sees now. You start crying fully, leaning into your friend. What /were/ you thinking? You were throwing everything away and for what? Then you remembered.  You calm yourself down,  steadying your breath before speaking again.  "I felt so alone Dirk." Your lip quivers another round if tears threatening to come.  Dirk runs your back very gently, his hot breaths tickling your neck. 

 

"I'm sorry Jake. This is all my fault. I should have been there when you needed me." 

 

"N-No Dirk it's not your fau-"

 

"What kind of friend am I if I ignore everyone close to me? I just push them away to do what I want. I'm a sick human being Jake. So damn sick." Your heart drops and the tears came silently once again.  You feel sorry for Dirk, because of what you did. It was his fault, but not completely. "Dirk it's fine that you have things that you want to do. I mean fighting robots is cooler than hanging out with a nerd like me." He didnt say anything, just continued breathing on your neck. It felt comforting, the closeness between the two of you. It was reassuring and new and you like it. 

 

"But we never talk anymore Jake." You hear his voice crack and you grip the back if his shirt tightly. This is the first time you two have met and before you wouldn't have imaging it to be like this. 

 

After a little while of talking, Roxy comes in and hugs you both. Dirk explains what happens, and then you explain yourself again. She says she told Jane, but that she refused to visit you. She said that Jane said that it was what you deserved, and you start tearing up. Dirk holds you as you paw your eyes with your palms to keep from crying even more. 

 

"I tried to get her to come."

 

"I apologized for missing her birthday. She just doesn't understand." 

 

"I know Jakey. I'm sorry."

 

You shake you head and snivel, trying not to get into a sobbing fit again.   "I-It's fine. I don't really-" 

 

The door slams  against the wall with a bang and you jump, startled by the interruption. "This is what you deserve you fucking asshole." It was your dark haired friend, Jane, who pushes Dirk out of the way. He is startled too, and stumbles away from you. "You should have died! Dirk should have never saved you you worthless shit!" She brings up her fist and your eyes widen. Roxy grabs her hand and pulls her away, Dirk returning to your side. You didn't realize you had started trembling until Dirk touched your shoulder. 

 

"Jane stop. Jake doesn't deserve this." 

 

"It's so like you Dirk to defend the helpless. He hurt me! He dated you, he forgot my birthday, and he was just an oblivious asshole! I made my feelings for him as apparent as possible but no, he has too be as dumb as a fucking rock!!" 

 

"Janey-"

 

"Shut the fuck up Roxy I'm only getting started. He hurt you too Dirk, didnt he? And you too Roxy. He hurt us all. He doesn't deserve our friendship. He doesn't deserve the life he was granted the day he was born. The only thing he's done is hurt others." Dirk and Roxy exchanged glances, which made you nervous.  When they didnt speak, Jane continued, "That's what I thought." 

 

You see a blur of red and suddenly your stomach hurts like hell, as if its being stabbed. You look down and, sure enough, there was a red fork impaled in your abdomin. Everything after was chaotic. Roxy was trying to drag Jane out of the room and Dirk wouldn't stop pressing the button for the nurse.  You look at him, tears rolling down your cheeks each time you blinked. He hushes you and smooths back your hair with his free hand. "It's just a boo boo Jakey." You reach down for it, but Dirk smacks your hand away. "Don't touch." You were curious as to why you weren't feeling any pain. Were you in shock? Were you numb from your medicine?  

 

Your eyes start to close when you suddenly feel extremely tired, even though you woke up only hours before.  Dirk noticed this and kept papping your cheek. "Come on Jake you gotta stay awake." No matter how much you tried though you couldn't.  Your eyes finally closed and you went limp as you entered a state of unconsciousness.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This most likely is not medically correct. Just saying.

You know you're dreaming since you're in the place where your favorite movie avatar took place, which was the place where the blue people lived. You came here often when you dream. You think it's because of your lovely blue lady, but you're never entirely certain. For some reason you're laying down, which is usually never how a dream starts out. Usually you're swinging from a vine, or are adventuring with the blue people. Also, you're usually a blue person too, but when you look down at yourself, you're just yourself! No blue at all. 

Then you notice that there's arms around you and you look up, finding your auburn eyed friend with his face in your hair. "Dirk?" He doesn't seem to hear you and you say it again. This time he tilts his head up and brushes some hair from your face. "Jake I have something to tell you." Your brows shoot up. "What is it chap?" 

"I'm not sure if you can hear me or not," he says, biting his lip, "but I...Jake I miss you. I'm sorry I pushed you away before. I'm sorry I never answered your messages. I always thought you'd just pester me tomorrow and I'd reply then." Your face falls and you begin to realize what he's talking about. "Dirk..." You put your hand on his cheek and you feel something wet touch your finger. Is he...crying? You never thought you'd see Dirk cry.

"Jake I love you. More than just...a friend love. I'm sorry about breaking up with you before. It was so dumb..." He rubs his thumb on your cheek and you feel tears of your own start to fall. It's been at least a year since the break up. It had ruined you and sometimes you still thought about it. Whenever you hear the word asshole, you still direct it to yourself. 

"Please just wake up Jakey..." Your heart thumps against your chest as he brings his face down to yours. Wake up? But you are awake! Before you can say a word he captures your lips in his own in a heart felt kiss, making your insides turn to mush. 

Once he pulls away you speak up. "Dirk, I am awake. See?" You reach up to touch his face but your hand falls right through. Confusion strikes you first, then fear. Dirk starts to glitch, his body frozen as if a computer crashed. You become frantic, trying to get him to work again. "Dirk! Dirk I love you too! Stay with me please!" 

Everything around you starts to wilt, the trees becoming droopy and the grass a disgusting brown color. Flowers begin to die and the waterfalls become dry. A pain fills your lower abdomen and you looked down, seeing a large, red fork sticking out. Blood was gushing from the wound and the sight of it all was making you dizzy. 

"Help..." You reach out for the last remains of Dirk, grabbing hold of nothing but air. You truly are alone in not only the real world, but also your dream world. You begin to ponder if this is what it's like to die. Were you dying? You truly began to think so. 

"Please..." You start to cry harder than you had before, laying across the ground on your side. No one was going to help you. Not now, not ever. You'll always be alone. You lay your head down and silently cry to yourself, self pity setting in. What did you ever do to deserve this treatment? 

Your hand starts to ache and you frown. As if nothing else could go wrong. Then a hand materializes, then an arm, shoulder, body, and everything else. You look up at their face, and it seems as though Dirk has returned. 

"It'll be okay Jakey." You wonder why he came back. Maybe you're not dead? This was all really confusing and you'd just push it away and focus on what he's saying. "Wake up..." You suddenly feel tired, your eyes drooping as you tried to focus on Dirks face. He didn't have his shades on, and his eyes were just...magnificent. You've never actually seen them before, so you were curious as to why there appeared in your dream. Your eyes finally closed and you felt yourself start to drift into a slumber. Or, rather, an awakening.

Your eyes open wide and your mouth opens to take in air, but there's something down your throat. You don't have time to register what exactly it is since you're choking on it, trying to cough it up. You hear frantic button pushing and feel a hand smoothing your hair back. "Jake, calm down." A lady you've never seen before comes in and takes the tube out before rushing out of the room again. 

"Are you okay?" You hear a faint sniffle and turn your head. Dirks cheeks are red, as is his nose. Has he been crying? You find yourself staring, blushing as you are. "Are you?" You don't know why you ask it back, you just do. Maybe it's because Dirk doesn't look well. Your question got a chuckle out of him.

"Same old English." Dirk takes off his shades to wipe his eyes. You take notice that his eyes are red and swollen, most likely from crying. His irises are the same color as they were in your dream and you're a little surprised. He catches you looking and jerks his head to the side, making you frown. "Dirk," You reach a hand out and put it on his cheek. He looks at you then and you smile, a sweet, genuine one. "They're pretty. Like autumn leaves." 

"Yea...just like autumn leaves Jake." He smiles, taking the hand on his cheek in his own and squeezes it gently. 

"Where's Roxy?"

"She's talking to the police about what happen with Jane." His eyes cast downward, stopping on your stomach. "Do you remember what happened?" You shake your head and Dirk fills you in on everything that went on before and during your coma. "You've been asleep for...for a long time." You watch as he swallows hard, avoiding your gaze. "How long?" When he doesn't answer you repeat yourself, more forceful this time. "A few weeks, maybe a month. We were all really worried Jake. You lost a lot of blood and she punctured your intestines and it...it wasn't good." 

You nod, which was the only thing you could think of doing. "She's going to be in jail for a while Jake so she won't be able to touch you." You nod again. You had deserved to get stabbed, you deserved to get beaten up, you deserved every broken bone and every ounce if blood lost. This was all your fault after all. You didn't deserve Dirks sympathy and care, or Roxy's for that matter. "Dirk...I..." You mind goes back to your dream and you stop, biting your lip. His brows raise and he gives you a look of curiosity. 

"I love you too." You say it quickly but Dirk registers it, freezing in his place. You freeze too, worried that he'd reject you. Instead though he presses a quick kiss to your lips, catching you off guard. You finally kiss back, feeling happy. Happier than you've been in a very, long time.


End file.
